I have exciting new to share.
Many of you, who have followed our journey, know of the meeting that took place in Ust Kamenogorsk between myself, and Leah's biological mother. During our return trip after we took custody of Leah, I felt in the depth of my soul as her mother, I had to do everything in my power to locate, and attempt to meet the mother who gave birth to my daughter. As ours was an International Adoption, I felt driven to search here and now, because of the love I felt for my daughter. After all, I was now, the only mother Leah would ever know.
I knew first hand, because of my husband’s adoption, and a lot of adoption research, that Leah would always wonder about the mother who gave birth to her. I was also sure her mother (who had 3 other children) would never forget about Leah. In the telling of her adoption story I wanted to be able to tell Leah I did all I could to find the pieces of her life that would make her feel whole. And in the planting of the seeds of love and respect for the mother who gave her life, I desperately wanted to be able to fill Leah's ears with words that came directly from her mother’s heart.
I also hoped to look into her mothers eyes, and have her look into mine in an effort to join our hearts. Together the love shared in our hearts would sustain, and nurture our daughter. I prayed she would agree to this meeting, and although difficult, somehow feel it the miracle I believed it would be.
So we hired a private translator and driver to help us find Leah's biological mother before we left Ust Kamenogorsk for good. I already had her address, as it was in the court documents I received from our adoption. So with address in hand we drove to the apartment where Leah’s biological mother lived. After taking a few photos, I instructed the translator to go alone into the building and ask Leah’s mother if she would agree to speak with me.
I waited in the car for what seemed like an eternity until the translator returned. She was not home, but the neighbors told our translator where she worked. So we drove to her job. This time I instructed the translator to explain we would return after she was through with work so as to not interfere with her day. Again I waited in the car with an anxiety level higher than I had ever experienced in my life. The translator returned alone, but said she would be out in a few minutes. Tears were difficult to hold back, and I could feel my heart rate and breath quicken. Another miracle was unfolding in my life. I prayed God would guide my words.
As you can imagine this meeting, mother facing mother, was intense. Blue eyes peering into green, emotions running high, nervous voices, shaking hands and open vulnerable hearts. In uncharted waters strangers shared words both needed to hear. Words I will never forget, as they were for all intents and purposes, a mother's final gift, a good bye, to a daughter she would never know. She truly wanted me to understand why she gave Leah up. She told me of her life, of Leah’s brother's and sister, and of her daily struggle just to survive. As I listened to what sounded like a confession, I so wanted her to know I understood, I felt her pain and I didn’t sit in judgment. Through the translator I told her “ I understand ” and so would her daughter when the time came.
All I asked of her was her permission, and her blessing, for me to take Leah as my own. The look in her eyes, and the tone of her voice in reply to my request really didn’t need the translation. She said yes, and at that moment our hearts joined.
When Leah is old enough to understand, I am sure, I will repeat this conversation again and again, as Leah works through, and processes her adoption story.
As we talked about issues one would imagine a birth mother would ask of adoptive mother, our emotions began to settle. She had many questions, and as each question was asked, translated and answered the love we both felt for Leah was palpable.
When our meeting came to an end, my last question took the translator and Leah’s biological mother off guard. I asked if she would consider keeping in touch to remain a part of Leah’s life. Both women were visibly taken back as adoption in Kazakhstan is closed and final.
I had prepared a letter for Leah’s mother which also contained all our contact information and handed it to her. Through the translator she said she wanted, and would keep in touch. She even offered to send photos for Leah.
After returning to the USA, I waited word from her but received none. I knew of her situation, as she had shared that with me so I decided to send another letter and pictures to the address I had for her. Still no response.
I was not ready to give up. When friends of ours, whom we met because of this blog, were going to travel to Ust for their second adoption I asked them to look for Leah’s mother again. I was going to make one last effort to “keep in touch” with Leah’s birth family.
Well today I received an email from a local resident of Ust Kamenogorsk because of the efforts of our wonderful friends.
Below is a copy of the email I received. I have removed Leah’s biological mothers name out of respect.
Dear Chris, Ann and Leah Young!
Yesterday I spoke with XXXXXX XXXXXXXX. Finally I found her at the old apartment. She was there with her children taking care of her mother who is ill now. XXXXXX was a little bit nervous and didn’t want to let me in, so we spoke on the doorstep. She said that she wants to keep contact and she is not turning away. First letter that you sent she wasn’t able to translate, because it was written by hand and was illegible. Last letter she received in spring, this time she was able to read it and she began to write an answer. xxxxxx wants to add pictures of the whole family. I suggested sending her letter and pictures by e-mail, she agreed. When she is ready with the letter, I will take it and translate it to you and also make pictures of her and her children. I have her telephone numbers and she has mine.
By the way, xxxxx said that she hadn’t received any package from you.
Fortunately, she was ready to renew contact with you and I was really happy that she could find strength and love in her heart.
Sincerely,
N.
Please pray with us as this latest miracle unfolds that Leah’s biological mother is comforted by this communication. Also if anyone else has experience with “keeping in touch” with your child’s biological mother and family I could use some advise from someone who has traveled this road.
For now this chapter is to be continued…..
